


Hit the gas kill 'em all

by Baby_ur_a_haunted_house



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Killjoy AU, logan: illegal freedom, patton: heavens heart, roman: the prince of khaos, the killjoy names are, thomas is just kid or kiddo, virgil: storm demon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-07-24 10:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16173590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baby_ur_a_haunted_house/pseuds/Baby_ur_a_haunted_house
Summary: a sanders sides killjoy au!I have absolutely no idea where this is going so good luck——this had been abandoned——-





	1. look alive sunshine

“Heart come on, we gotta go!” Virgil called from the car. Patton shot one last time before basically diving into the car. Roman hit the gas and they were off, the wind whistling in their ears and the zap of the guns growing fainter.

Everyone in the car was cheering after another successful day. They had found a bli base and obliterated it. They weren’t necessarily happy about all the death that surrounded them, but it was do or die and they couldn’t leave Thomas, especially with bli trying to wipe the killjoys out. The got back to the dinner and walked inside, it was the first home for Logan, Roman, and Patton after the analog wars. It was Thomas’s first home in general too.

“Who’s hungry?” Roman asked, holding up some cookies they managed to score.

“I fucking am!” Thomas yelled. Everyone else rolled their eyes.

“Kid why?” Virgil laughed. 

“Why not?” Thomas asked.

“Because if you don't know what the word means you cant use it right. It means-” Virgil started, before being interrupted by Patton yelling, “Storm, I swear to the phoenix witch if you tell that boy what it means I will ground you for a month.”

“Alright, alright, I won't.” Virgil threw his hands up in surrender. Thomas gave puppy dog eyes to Patton who told him no as he pulled out some water bottles.

“Yeah cloudy with a chance of rain, can’t tell him that.” Roman laughed.

“Shut up you hecking heterotroph.” Virgil snapped back.

“Excuse me but nothing about me is hetero!” Roman yelled while Logan chucked.

Patton switched on the radio to a broadcast from dr. D “-and we have word that a bli base in the zones has been destroyed, by none other than The Prince Of Khaos-“ Roman whooped, “Heaven's Heart-“ Patton cheered, “Illegal Freedom-“ Logan looked up and smiled at the mention of his name, “Storm Demon-“ “cloudy with a chance of-“ Roman was cut off as Virgil tackled him, “and the kid! The road to defeating bli might be a long one, but just focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, that’s it for today, This has been Dr. Death Defying-out.”

They all ate and talked, and before they knew it they had run out of cookies. “Can you play guitar for me?” Thomas asked Virgil.

“Sure kid, let me go get it.” Virgil stood up and went into the back, which was basically one big shared bedroom.

“Do you wanna sing with us hetero?” Thomas asked, obviously not knowing what he was saying.

“Who told you to call me that?” Roman asked.

“Stormy.” Thomas answered.

“Of course he did, well how about you call him cloudy from now on,” Roman said with a smirk.

“I heard that!” Virgil exclaimed as he entered the room with the guitar in his hands.

“Well did you tell him to call me hetero?” Roman shot back

You better believe it you fuckin hetero!” Virgil burst into laughter

“I am absolutely not a hetero, cloudy with a chance of rain!” Roman yelled.

“Whatever.” Virgil got ready to start when they heard some tires squealing from outside.

Logan jumped to his feet and looked out the window. “It's a bli car,” he whispered. The older four picked up their guns and got ready to fight. They saw a pair of dracs step out and start walking towards the building. Virgil pushed Thomas behind him and Roman. Logan stood up and hid behind the door, Patton behind the counter, and Thomas, Roman and Virgil in the back room.

One of the dracs pushed the door open and Logan opened fire, shooting the first one in the head, the second one hit him in the side and he hissed in pain, dropping his gun. Patton hit the second one in the chest before it could do any more damage.  
“Roman and Virgil, take the bodies and the car he came in and get it away from here, Thomas, stay in that room,” Patton said.  
They got to work, and while Patton was tending to logan, Roman took the bli car after losing rock paper scissors and Virgil took the trans-am, and they drove away. After about a half hour of driving Roman slowed to a stop, with Virgil right next to him. Roman climbed out of the bli car and into the trans am, and Virgil makes a u-turn. On the way back they stopped at a supply place and picked up some bandages, along with some more hair dye.

“When we destroy bli I'm going to feel nothing but relief.” Virgil suddenly said after they had driven a little longer.

“I like the optimism.” Roman replied

“Can I confess something?” Virgil asked.

“Yeah, you know you can always talk to me.” Roman answered.

“Well, honestly you're probably gonna make me leave. And if you want me to I will just let me pick up my stuff. I’d understand. Especially with Thomas around.” Virgil rambled

“What is it?” Roman asked.

“I used to like in the city,” Virgil said it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

“Pull over,” Roman said after a second of silence. Virgil did so and once he had stopped he got out of the car.

“Tell the others I'm sorry,” Virgil said before running away. He heard the stopping of heavy boots behind him and felt himself be tackled to the ground. He braced himself for a fight but nothing came, just Roman clinging to him.

“You don't have anything to be sorry for. Oh god Storm I'm so sorry you felt like I couldn't tell us. And I just told you to stop the car so I could fucking hug you dude.” Roman said.

“But I'm from the city? I'm the enemy?” Virgil meant it as a statement but it came out more like a question.

“But you left. And now look at you. You went from a city boy, taking the pills, following the rules, a normal name to a killjoy who breaks every rule you can and has a fucking awesome name. You're loyal and so many other shiny things. Anyways come on, we gotta get home.” Roman let go of Virgil and stood up, reaching out to help Virgil up.

“No. well uhh, thanks. But what if bli is like tracking me? Like I used to live there. What if they're using that. What if that's how they found us?” Virgil asked, letting himself be pulled back to standing by Roman.

“Well then we’ll deal with it, but there is no way I'm letting bli have you back. And you might have just become our most valuable resource.” they walked back to the car, Virgil behind the wheel and Roman in the passenger seat.

“Why?” Virgil asked.

“Why what, emo Demon?” Roman asked.

“Why am I your most valuable resource?” Virgil elaborated.

“You were the member if the city. You might just know one of its weaknesses, and you might not even know it!” Roman yelled.

“Not so loud you fucking idiot,” Virgil said as he laughed

“What, it a drac gonna hear me?” Roman shot back. Not even 5 seconds after he said that they saw a white car in the distance.

“God damn it Khaos what did I tell you?” Virgil said, making a sharp right turn and going as fast as he could. They were pretty sure the car was coming for them but it was too far away to tell, and way too far to shoot.

“Sorry?” Roman said as he looked around to make sure there weren't any more cars coming. That's when the saw 2 more coming from the opposite direction. “Oh fuck Storm, we got two more on our tail.”

Virgil said nothing, he just willed the car to go faster. Roman pulled out the grenade launcher and got it set up ready to shoot. “We gotta fight em off before we can go back to the dinner. Get your gun ready, I'm gonna stop.” Virgil slammed on the breaks and held his gun in his hands.

“If I die tell my eyeshadow I loved it.” Roman said

“If you die, I was probably already ghosted,” Virgil responded as Roman shot one of the cars which exploded, but that didn't deter the other two. Before the two killjoys knew it the cars were shooting at them and they were shooting right back. With a well aimed hit Virgil hit a tire and it exploded, so they only had to deal with one at the moment.

“Nice hit sunshine!” Roman yelled.

Virgil glanced at him with confused amusement. “Sunshine?”

“It's a weather thing. Shut up” Roman said. As the first car stopped and the two races climbed out, Roman pulled out his sword and jumped at them. Behind him he could hear Virgil yelling “sugar we’re going down swinging.” meanwhile, Virgil took out the two dracs from the other car that were coming at them. He looked back at Roman who had already taken care of his two.

“Come on Khaos, we gotta go. This areas gonna be fucking crawling with drugs, maybe even a scarecrow.” Virgil called to Roman. They both got in the car, Roman in the driver seat. The entire way back Roman made it a point to celebrate quietly in the most ridiculous way possible.

“Heart? Freedom? Kid?” Virgil called as they got into the diner. Inside was a wreck. Tables had been flipped over, there was blood on the floor, a few draw bodies, but no Patton, logan or Thomas.

“Guys!” Roman yelled, as he frantically started to check everywhere.

“Hetero?” they heard a small voice.

“Kid!” the two yelled. They saw Thomas climb out of a cabinet under the counter.

“Oh god are you ok?” Roman rushed over and hugged him, while Virgil looked around more.

They both froze when they heard Thomas say “they took free and Heart.”


	2. fuck some shit up

“Who?” Roman asked gently while Virgil stood frozen in shock. 

“The guys with the scary masks. A lot came in and Heart pushed me under the counter and tried to fight them. Free told me to stay where I was and helped him. But- but they took them!” Thomas started crying. 

“Hey hey. It’s okay. We’re gonna get them back alright? And if we happen to ghost every single drac that even looked in their direction then so be it.” Roman said soothingly. 

“Khaos, can I talk to you for a second?” Virgil gestured for him to stand outside with him. 

Roman stood up and said, “Why don't you go lay down for a little bit. You've had a long day.” The two watched Thomas nod and go into the back.

“Holy shit.” Was the first thing Virgil said the second they were out of Thomas’s earshot. 

“Fucking right. What are we gonna do?” Roman repiled. 

“Crash into battery city like a fucking wrecking ball I guess.” Virgil shrugged.

“But what about Thomas?” Roman asked. 

“We can see if Dr. D can take care of him for a little bit. Or until he gets old enough to live on his own. Depends on if we make it out or not.” Virgil answered.

“We gotta. For Freedom and Heart.” The two walked inside and cleaned up the best they could. After finishing they sat in silence for a few hours before Thomas wandered in. 

“Hey kid. Me and Khaos are gonna get Free and Heart back, but your gonna have to stay with someone for a few days while we do it, alright?” Virgil said. 

“I don't want you guys to go!” Thomas clung onto Romans leg. 

“But don't you want Heart and Free to come home?” Roman asked.

“Yeah. but what if you guys dont come back?” Thomas looked to Virgil. 

“We will. If we don't, then i'll get Dr. D to tell you what fuck means, ok?” Virgil said

They packed up Thomas’s few things and drove him to the station where Dr. D, Show Pony, and Cherri Cola lived. After a goodbye that left Thomas crying the two drove off, tears of their own in their eyes. Not that they would ever admit it. 

\----------------------------------break bc i can't think of filler ughhhghg-------------------------

“So whats are plan to get in?” Virgil asked, as they neared Battery City.

“The informant on our last stop said they were being held in a building near the edge, so let's just go there an fuck some shit up.” Roman answered.

“Killjoys who go into Battery City don't normally come out. We lessen our chances if we immediately, “ Virgil used air quotes, “Fuck some shit up.”

“Then we find Freedom and Heart, then fuck some shit up.” Roman said.

“Do you want to have dracs and scarecrows on out tail? From the source?” Virgil asked sarcastically.

“Fuck you. Why do you have to be right? What's the point of Battery City if we can’t fuck something up?” Roman pouted If he hadn't been driving he probably would have crossed his arms too. 

“Saving out friends?” Virgil pointed out. Roman rolled his eyes. 

In the distance they saw an underground entrance to Battery City, and drove through it, shooting all the guards as they went. After they got through they heard sirens. 

“Fuck fuck fuck!” Virgil yelled as they sped through the city. They pulled into a parking lot with a building that said “Correction Center”, right were the killjoy spy said it would be.

“Hurry, we don't have a lot of time.” Virgil said, as they jumped out of the car and ran into the building, shooting anyone on sight. They came to a hallway that went two directions. Roman went one, Virgil went the other. 

 

Roman ran as fast as he could down the hallway, checking to see of there was anyone in the rooms he passed but found no one, just some chairs with straps and needles. What was in them was something he didn't even want to guess. Finally he found a bunch of jail cells with only one occupied with Logan. “Freedom!” he yelled, and Logan looked up. 

“Khaos, they already took Heart. They said they're gonna fix him. Whatever they're doing to him it has to be bad.” Logan said as Roman worked on picking the lock. Once he got it open, Logan started running in the direction they had apparently taken Patton Roman followed, hoping Patton was ok. 

 

Virgil almost immediately came across a hall filled with tables with chains that apparently held people in place while the “scientists” did whatever experiment they wanted. He looked around and find that only two had people on them. On the first he found someone who made him have to do a double take. It was his old friend, remmy. He remembered that they wanted they/them pronouns, and when they expressed this desire to their parents, they came to Virgil's house an hour later and said they had to go. And hoped that they would meet again, but it won't likely, and they haven’t seen each other since. This was when they were about ten, and 8 years later he wasn't looking so good. He got out his lock picking kit and got to work . About half way through, remmy woke up. 

“Please, stop. I'll do anything!” Virgil finally got him unchained, and helped him sit up. 

“Hey, its me, Virgil. I'm gonna get you out of here, just hold on.” he checked the other person and found it was Patton. He unlocked him and as soon as he was finished Logan and Roman came running in. 

“I'll explain later, let’s go!” Virgil yelled, getting Logan and Roman to carry a still unconscious Patton, and him helping a bearly awake remmy.

They got to the car, and saw that there was a bunch of white cars coming towards them.

“Can I fuck shit up now?” Roman asked.

“Yeah.” Virgil answered as he stepped on the gas as hard as he could. Roman passed Logan a gun, and the two started shooting out the windows behind them. 

They zoomed around the city, looking for a way out, before they found themselsf cornered. 

“Alrighty, I’m just fuking going for it guys.” Virgil said before he smashed into a bli car, and used the opening to get away, after a few seconds they heard the sound of guns shooting at them, and then sudden silence.


	3. Rainbow Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh god I'm back a month later I'm sorry for taking so long

“That can't be good.” Virgil mumbled. The four conscious ones looked around, but to their dismay/ relief, they didn't see any bil cars, dracs, or even civilians. 

“Fuck. i'm not sure if this is good or if we're gonna die but i'm gonna be optimistic.” Roman said. They finally found their way out of the city without seeing anyone else. 

About 15 minutes onto their drive home Virgil started talking. “The new person’s my friend. I'll give him the option of giving his real name or if he wants he can just come up with a killjoy one, oh, by the way we’re killjoys. I go by Storm Demon, or Stormy-” 

“Or cloudy with a chance of rain!” Roman interrupted.

“Absolutely not. That dumbass who interrupted is Hetero-” Virgil continued.

“Prince of Khaos at your service, Khaos with a K.” Roman said as he glared at Virgil. 

“The one with the glasses that's awake is Illegal Freedom, or Freedom, or Free. And last of but least, if it was hetero it would be though-”

“Hey! Fuck you!” Roman yelled

“Is Heaven's Heart, or Heart. We also have a seven year old that lives with us, just call him kid. We’re gonna pick him up on the way home.”

“The dracs know where we live.” Logan pointed out. 

“Do you really think they think were gonna be stupid enough to go back there?” Virgil asked.

“Whatever.” Logan said.

They rode in silence, except for Roman and Virgil's laughter as they stupid faces at each other. Remmy was lost in thought and staring out the window, and Logan was trying to wake Patton up.

Once the diner was in view Virgil said, “I’m dropping off Free and Heart, do you wanna come with us, or stay?” 

“I'll come” 

The two Virgil mentioned got out the the car, well, one was carrying the other. 

“Be safe. We’ll be back soon.” Virgil said. Logan nodded and the three drove off.   
\-----------------  
“Come on Heart, you gotta wake up.” Logan said as he finally put Patton down on a bed. There was no answer, but he was still breathing, which had to be a good thing. Logan sat quietly, the only sounds were his and Patton's breathing. 

The quiet was interrupted by a voice yelling, “Drop any weapons and put your hands up, we just want to talk.”

Logan obviously picked up his gun and put himself between the door and Patton. The person walked in. it was Deceit, the worst of the worst. 

“What do you want?” Logan asked, disgust evident on his face.

“I have a proposition. Give us the kid and we’ll leave you alone, or else.” behind deceit was two drach

“Oh not else. I'm so scared. Literally shaking. Totally not shiny dude.” Logan said a mostly monotone voice, but little chuckle escaped. 

“The most terrifying thing ever. Wow. I would just hate it.” Logan did his best to mask his surprised as he glanced back at Patton, who was now awake and also sassing the bli employees. “I would rather get ghosted.”

“Yes. please. Anything but that. Phoenix witch take me now.” the two killjoys burst into laughter.

“Shut up! I’ll kill you both!” Deceit yelled.

“No you won't. If we’re not here and alive when everyone else gets back, they'll disappear and you'll never get what you want. But by all means, shoot me. I'm trying to beat my record of how many times i get shot in a single week. High score is four.” Logan grinned. 

“Weak. my record is six.” Patton yelled. 

“Fuck you, and accidentally shooting yourself in the foot five times doesn’t count.” 

“First off it was only twice, second, isn’t your record because you scared Virgil while he was cleaning his gun?” Patton asked.

“Well how is it my fault I didn't know he was so trigger happy when startled?” Logan shot back playfully. Both pretended not to notice when Deceit and the dracs left as they continued their banter.

\---------------------

“NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA YOU RUN THE COMPANY NA NA NA NA NA NA NA FUCK LIKE A KENNEDY NA NA NA NA NA NA I THINK WE’D RATHER BE BURNING YOUR INFORMATION NA NA NA NA NA NA NA-” Roman and Virgil shouted from the top of their lungs along with the music, with Remmy looking between them in the back. 

“Hey- HEY!” Remmy yelled over the music. Roman turned it down and looked at them. “What is that?” 

“It’s My Chemical Romance! They were a popular band before the analog wars, and they’re a huge part the rebellion right now, they go by party poison, kobra kid, fun ghoul, and jetstar. They have bangers and bops for days. Dr. D plays them a lot, so me and Virgil scream it every time it comes on.” Roman explained

“Oh, cool.” Remmy nodded. Roman turned the music back up and he and Virgil went back to singing. Well screaming would have been a better definition.   
\---------------------  
“Stormy! Hetero!” Thomas yelled when he saw the two killjoys. 

“God damn Storm i hate you.” Roman muttered under his breath before they ran up to give him hugs. Thomas hugged Virgil first, who went inside the building to talk to the radio host. 

“Hey kid! Told you we’d be back! Free and Heart are at home, let’s wait for Stormy and then we can go.”

\---------inside------------

“Hey Demon Storm. Wasn't sure if you were gonna make it back.” Dr. Death Defying said when he noticed Virgil.

“Almost didn't. We got kinda lost in the city with dracs and scarecrows on our tail. But for some reason they just disappeared.” Virgil shrugged. 

“Well either the Phoenix Witch gave you a miracle, or bli has something bad planed.” 

“Ah well. Ghosted latter rather than sooner. Bye, stay safe.” Virgil said before leaving to go back to the car.

“Hey Stormy! Guess what! D let me pick some songs to play while you were gone! It was awesome! I'm so glad your back! I Can't wait to see Free and Heart!” Thomas kept rambling as they got to the car. “Who’s that?” Thomas asked when he saw Remmy.

“That's one of my friends.” Virgil answered. 

“Hey Kid.” Remy said to Thomas then asked Virgil, “So could I pick any name? Like could I have some examples?” 

“Yeah, like I said before there's me, Storm Demon. Then there’s this idiot over here, The Prince of Khaos-” Virgil started.

“That’s Khaos with a K babey!” Roman shouted from the passenger seat.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Then there's Heavens Heart, Illegal Freedom, Dr. Death Defying, Cherri Cola, and so on. We just call that one Kid because he's too little to pick a name yet.” Virgil reached back and ruffled Thomas’s hair. 

Thomas pouted and said “I'm not too little! We’re gonna come up with our names together!” Thomas gestured to Remy. Virgil silently mouthed “Are you good with that?” Remy nodded. 

“Sure kid. I guess I'll be…” Remy trailed off as he tried to figure out what to chose. “Sleep?” Virgil gave him a questioning look. “Well it's my favorite thing to do, so why not?”

“Ohhhh what about Poisonous Sleep!” Roman said.

“Why Poisonous Sleep?” Remy asked.

“I don't know, it just seemed cool.”

“Guess i'll be Poisonous Sleep then.” 

“I wanna be Rainbow Road!” Thomas yelled.

“Isn't that from that old game that we let you play when we still had power?” Virgil asked

“Yeah! I wanna be Rainbow Road!” 

“Ok Rainbow, we’re almost home. Free and Heart have probably been through a lot, so be careful with them.”

“Ok!” 

The rest of the drive home was filled with Thomas rambling about anything that came to his mind, and Remy nodding along.

————

The two men inside the building heard a car pull up and tensed. They had their guns ready but when they heard a young voice babbling on about some kind of plant and three older voices yelling at him to never do something again they put them down and went to greet the rest of their family.   
________

Thomas jumped out of the car the second it was slow enough while Virgil, Roman, and Remy yelled at him to never do that again.

“Free! Heart! I brought you some flowers!” Thomas yelled as he ran into the building. 

“Key kiddo!” Patton yelled. Thomas launched himself at him and hugged him tightly.

“I'm so glad you home!”


End file.
